Current mood:

hm. Enhancement. hm.

Spam Attacks: Spreadin' the love
Every once in a while (read, every 2 days), I take time out of my busy schedule to empty out my Yahoo Bulk Mail box. I vaguely remember the days prior to this magical place where spam goes to die, and I remember it wasn't fun. But then again, I was 13, and receiving mass mailings with advertisements for "Male Enlargement." There seemed to be a lot more of that kind of thing back then.

Of course, it could be because I don't give out my e-mail address now unless I absolutely have to. But back in the day, Pre-Bulk Box, I would spend about 5 minutes getting rid of smut that tried to invade my world, and being excessively cautious about viruses. This is not just for me, though, since, until I came to college, I never had my own computer, and everything I did was on Mom's or Dad's comp.

Do people actually ever look at the spam anymore? Why do the companies bother to continue sending it? The majority of people have wised up. Everytime I delete a letter from some African Ambassador who wants to give me 5.6 million dollars, I am both saddened and depressed. I want to believe that some man in Zimbabwe wants to give me his personal fortune, but I know it's probably not true. Who sends out these mysterious letters? What do they gain from people who hold stock in this? I coul come up with a wildly complex theory, but I'd really rather not.

Today, I checked my mailbox to find 5 items in my bulk folder. I only ever get spam in there now (with the excepetion of Xanga Updates from Dominik, because he is apparently one of the few people who continues to update), but it is widely varied. I get far more crap in my Quarantine box at Smith. Today, I deleted One letter from an African Millionaire, Two fake "flagged PayPal Account" letters, One letter claiming that two female Jedii (is this the appropriate pluralization of Jedi? Probably not) would be appearing in NYC, and One letter from an "Anna Bassett" which appeared to be a sort of pamphlet on becoming a "Homeowner with low Rates." In the day to day world, I really don't care about my Bulk Mail folder, but today, I would truly like to be a Homeowner with low Rates, one day. We usually delete without thinking. Is this because we've become so used to people trying to hurt us through our personal worlds (your email is indeed your personal world) that we fend off an attack before it even comes?

I would never open anything in my Quarantine Box without checking it in the Quarantine manager first (this allows us to open the mail through a different server, which separates it from our own systems and computers), but the stuffs which land in the Yahoo Bulk Mail are fairly benign. I think this is because, living on a campus, everyone is connected to everyone else, and with the amount of communication which takes place daily, it's so much easier for your computer to pick up ETD's (Electronically Transmitted Diseases. Moriah's computer is a ho and has more ETD's than it knows what to do with. It frequently reaches out and tries to share the love). So, it is with a sense of adventure that I open the email from Ms. Bassett and attempt to learn about how to become a Homeowner with low rates. The letter is sprinkled with oddly placed parentheses (more oddly placed than mine. They're all end brackets, and not an open one in the bunch) and commas (in the middle of words). Ultimately, this letter is a disappointment, as the whole thing is a paltry 6 lines along with 2 links to questionable websites, 1 line being an address to me, and 2 lines being "Best Regards, Regalio Hilton".

Who is this Regalio? Why is it not from Anna? The detail in the letter is limited to a tiny statistical fact that if they really cared to elaborate on, they could have done actual research.I remember the days when the crap that spewed into your mailbox was at least grammatically correct and the spelling was at least mediocre. Nowadays, because of Spam Filters, the only stuff that gets through is the mail that has numbers in the place of letters in the titles, or is imporoperly spelled. If anything I am less likely to open a letter titled "en1arg3 uR P3n1 S" than "Enlarge your penis," if I was at all inclined to open such things in the first place. I my mind, the first thing to get dumped is the crap with horrendous spelling.

So why is spam still so prevalent which the majority of it isn't affecting our computers, merely taking up our time in order to delete it? I don't believe there is a good answer to this question. However, I theorize that perhaps, a few spammers are simply reaching out to their human bretheren, attempting to make contact in an odd, antisocial manner, working to become adept at influencing other people. Maybe it's their way of making a difference in the world.

Maybe, spammers just need a little love. Next time you receive an email from a wealthy land-holder in Africa, I encourage you to e-mail them back with love, concern and thoughtfulness. Offer to send them brownies, or 2 rolls of wallpaper ( I urge you not to send animals or plants, because it could disrupt the delicate African ecosystem. Also, it would probably die. Who knows how long it takes pagkages to get to Africa?), or whatever. Be courteous and understanding. Reach out with love to the people who have reached out to you. When asked if you want your penis enlarged, even if you do not have the proper organs for such a procedure, email them back saying that you knew they really cared for you and ask them on a date. "I know it's not as big as you'd like, " you can say, "but I'm a good person, and I can tell you how to become a Homeowner with low Rates."